darthfar: (Default)
Dear City Council/Paybills,

I submitted a service subscription request two days ago for your Assessment Billing. Now, I understand that you, the City Council, is responsible for a great many things, and that it is in the interest of the public for you to offer online billing services through Paybills to better accommodate those who find it inconvenient to move their unfortunately oversized arses out of the house, what more to say all the unfortunate souls who are unable to make physical payments at your town office. However, it has become unsettlingly clear that you have also been hiring cretins whose brains were previously substituted with boiled cabbage, the proof for which is this:

Your company rejected my service subscription after an inconveniently long wait of two whole days (which amounts to 48 hours, or 2880 minutes - considerable, when you consider that E. coli generations are only 20 minutes apart). Now, if I'd managed to inadvertently mistype the reference number, or somehow misspell the address or name... why, I'd cheerfully admit that I'd screwed up royally and that would be that. BUT. Your reason for rejecting my application was this: that I'd somehow, horrifyingly negligently, managed to insert a WHOLE FULL STOP after the prefix, "DR". How utterly shocking! What a monumental error! it changes the meaning of EVERYTHING, and there is no way for me to repent of such a horrendous mistake! NOT. [I should point out that it was your own assessment bill that carried the original full stop to begin with, and that I was simply following it faithfully; in any event, your affiliated payment site failed to supply any guidelines on where to insert or remove punctuation marks, so please go suck on an egg.]

In light of this, I would suggest that you, the City Council, root out whoever it was who wrote the code for Paybills and whoever it was who typed your assessment bills, drag them outside, and systematically exsanguinate, pulverise and reduce them to road-surfacing material with extremely gratuitous violence. It would save my having to go postal on your arses on account of a pathetic little punctuation mark.

Thank you. Have a nice day.

July 2016

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